


I Saw That in a Movie Once

by the_wanlorn



Category: Leverage
Genre: Character of Color, Gen, Internal Monologue, Zombies, eliot threatening people, not-so-internal internal monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-04
Updated: 2011-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-14 10:13:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/148162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wanlorn/pseuds/the_wanlorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh hell no, Hardison is <em>not</em> starring in his own personal zombie movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Saw That in a Movie Once

**Author's Note:**

> I'm 80% sure that I wrote this for some zombiefest somewhere and then never posted it for whatever reason. So here it is, beta'd by the totally awesome Meghan.

Hardison was pretty sure he'd seen this movie before. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd seen this movie more than once, by more than one director. And in every single one of them _he died first_.

“You're not dying.” Eliot growled from up ahead, and that was the problem with being scared out of your wits, you end up saying your inner monologue out loud and- “I take it back, you're not dying unless you don't shut up.”

“We're in a zombie movie, man, and maybe you haven't seen a lot of horror movies because you're too busy starring in your own personal slasher film but the black dude always dies first.” He was _not_ cut out for all this action-adventure shit. There was a reason why his job was to sit behind the computer and make sure everything ran smoothly from that end, and Eliot's job was to hit people with baseball bats when needed.

“Why?” That was a manly yell right there when Parker dropped down behind them from a ceiling panel and he did not want to get into a Hollywood and Racism discussion when there were _zombies trying to eat them_. There was a time and a place for those conversations, and while you were trying to keep your brain meat inside your head _was not one of them_.

“Because that's how it works,” he said, adjusting his grip on the golf club. His hands were sweating, and he was pretty sure if he had to hit anything it was going to slip out of his hands before impact. He took back every thought he ever had about how maybe it would be cool to be in a zombie movie. _This was not cool._

Parker looked at him, like she knew that wasn't a reason and wasn't sure why he wasn't giving her the real reason and if she chose this second to suddenly become the sort of person who pushed when people avoided answering her he was going back to the office and waiting out the zombie apocalypse with his computers and his soda and his Ho Hos. They could get their own damn selves killed trying to escape the building and get to Nate and Sophie. He'd wait for rescue where it was safe, thankyouverymuch.

Instead of giving him an excuse to – and he was not ashamed to admit this – turn tail and run, she turned away and went to stand with Eliot where he'd paused by a window. “The hall's clear to the stairwell. But this window opens and I have-”

Hardison closed his eyes and stopped listening because there was _no way_ he was going out that window, no way. He could deal with zombies, or he could deal with jumping off buildings. Not both. Really, he couldn't deal with jumping off a building period, and he wasn't ashamed of that. If man was meant to jump off buildings, then he'd have pogo sticks for legs or the earth would be one giant moonwalk.

When Hardison opened his eyes, Eliot was looking at him as he said, “The car's closer to the side door, not this window. Besides, we'd have to go down one at a time. I'm sure Hardison can tell you all the reasons splitting up right now would be a bad idea.” Which was true. Hell, he could do it without having to think about it. Along with why you shouldn't poke the monster to see if it's dead, or go see what that strange sound was, or-

Eliot growled at him – man, it was not right that someone that short could sound that scary and he really, _really_ should not have said that out loud so he was gonna shut up now and just run.

THE END.


End file.
